I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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