i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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