That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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