I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
