i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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