he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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