My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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