how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
