I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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