walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
