i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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