I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
