do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize