I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
