I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
