is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
