Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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