i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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