I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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