I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
