Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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