i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
