Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
