did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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