Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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