whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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