We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
