Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
