Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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