I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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