In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
