Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
