I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
