So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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