Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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