He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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