you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
