woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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