I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
