we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
