I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
