True but thats because hes a fetus.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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