its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
