The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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