Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
