those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
