You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
