I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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