oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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