Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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