He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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