I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
