wakey wakey hands off snakey
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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