i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
