How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he thought i was a dude.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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