Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
