I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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