I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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