I feel like abortions should bother me more
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
