Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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