just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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