Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize