if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
