mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
