i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
