I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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