Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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