It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize