you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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