Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
