remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
