I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
