I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
