it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
