I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
