What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i came on her dog
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
