If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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