I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
