He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
