Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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