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I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
