I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
