I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
