At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
True strength comes from lack of pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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