Non-Jews are for practice
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even my vagina gasped.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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