You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
