Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
