Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
