I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
