Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
