you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
