sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
