i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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