i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
