There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
