listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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