I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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