i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
