dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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