TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
